More Lessons about Life…

From, of course, studying Hollywood flicks….
Material found on various websites across the ‘net.

1. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
3. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
4. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
5. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off, but luckily you’ll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread, celery, or a leek.
7. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
8. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds — unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
9. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
10. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
11. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
13. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
14. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
15. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
16. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade — at any time of the year.
17. If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.
18. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition — even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
19. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
20. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
21. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning or ending phone conversations.
22. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23. Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
24. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
25. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
26. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
27. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
28. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while scuba diving.
29. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
30. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
31. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
32. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
33. The Chief of Police will suspend his star detective — or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
34. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there. And you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
35. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
36. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill — just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
38. You can see the Eiffel Tower from every window in Paris.
39. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war — unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
40. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.